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| I'm sitting at my desk, after having informed Caraven that I'm not going for Econs tuition tonight.
Wah, now I wish I decided to go because I have to go for a make-up lesson on the 27th IN FREAKING BEDOK!?!! GAH. But anyway, I have so much so much homework to do it's totally not funny, therefore the make-up lesson.
I hate school >:( but it is necessary for future survival, I suppose. Especially since I stupidly didn't take O Levels (I'm only PSLE qualified omg what would you be able to do with that man??!) ah well. GRIN AND BEAR IT, as they say.
This whole week has been so hectic and crazy and I don't think I got enough rest OR time to accomplish must, homework-wise. The whole week it's been insane. I came back 11pm, 12am, 7pm, 8pm, blahblah and I DON'T HAVE THE STAMINA FOR THAT ANYMORE!!
Not to mention the fact that CHINGAY ended at 12.30am last night! And I reached home at about 1+? Crazy shit, I couldn't take it and I feel awful today, headache and all. Which also means I'm making sluggish progress with my work :(
Kok also flew off yesterday and I didn't know cos my phone was back in Anderson Sec while my physical being was at F1 pit haha OH WELL :) he'll be back soon.
I spent some time looking through my old blogspot (haha) and laughing at myself. But at the same time, I kinda miss it. I miss how I used to be and how I honestly didn't care what people thought about me, other than besties. Life's so screwed up now and my mood swings are like Tsunamis which does not bode well for my mental health. I just really hope that I'll survive this year and maybe learn lots about myself and come out of the experience a better, more grown-up person.
There's always some positives around! KEEP THOSE POSITIVES GOING, PEOPLE! You'll live through things so much easier when you do. No matter how horrible or devastating your situation is (believe me, I KNOW what devastating means), every evil black cloud has its lovely silver lining :)
if I ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
(tell me what to say so you don't leave me) | | |
| "Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."
Sometimes I think I might just be going insane.
Or maybe I'm just confused and distracted >:(
FOCUS, SHU!! | | |
| I feel like I'm consistently struggling to fill this empty space that surrounds me
It echoes around my conscience and is not in the least comfortable. :( | | |
| 24 JANUARY 10
Weekdays drag by but weekends pass like lightning!! My brothers are both back from their overseas school trips, so the house is much more happening and noisy!!
The week in general has been a depressing one, not to mention the fact that actually being in school for good (till I graduate) is sinking in slowly. NOT a pleasant thought / feeling. Gee. I gotta keep focussed this year but it's so easy to say, compared to actually doing it!! :( There are so many distractions and aghh.
No! I must not be so horrible!!
POSITIVE THINKING IS KEY.
Heh, let's just start with the happy things:
1) New friends new friends!! ^^
2) The BOYS ARE BACK! (woohoo!)
3) I didn't get burnt from Saturday's Chingay prac! ^^ hurrah!
4) I lost weight! :)
5) H3 wasn't so bad! I'm looking forward to the rest of the lessons :D
6) I have cute socks!! :D
Unhappy things:
1) My shower tap isn't working! (WTH) when I open it, no water comes out :(
2) I had a lack of clothes AND food this week cos my maid kept oversleeping due to the sudden onslaught of spring cleaning things to do. Which put me in a horrid mood the whole week!
3) I have 2 bruises on both my knees!! :/
4) I keep having paranoid thoughts that everyone hates me. I think I'm getting severely insecure.
5) I feel so fake and over-the-top. But this will fade with the sadness, I hope.
6) Seems like I've bitten off more than I can chew. This week has been exhausting!
Ah.
This is such a depressing post but I just had to get it out of my system :x
Hopefully there's only uphill from here. | | |
| 21 JANUARY 10
I'm in a comparatively better mood today than I was at the last post. Many things have been happening and I've been superdeeduper beezee! Being so busy sure does help take the mind off things. Shinysparkly also helps a little! (Katieee! ^.^)
School has been school (and always will be school). I hate school sometimes, but most of the time I just endure it till it's over. I mean, the actual learning that takes place isn't too bad, but it's the time-wasting and the forcing myself to do stuff I don't really like to do is what gets me. :(
My days are super super long! Not because of lessons this time, but because of CCA, Chingay, and belly dance!! Which all extends late late laaate into the night boohoo :'( I just really hope I can survive manz!
Someone told me a few days ago that I should really stop thinking about how long and tiring my days in school are and just enjoy it! I think that really makes sense so I'm trying super super hard to do so nowadays. SCHOOL IS FUN, YES! :D It makes school pretty much bearable!! It's interesting to have met this person cos he's really more matured than me, although younger :p (which is so dang rare O.O I feel so immatured next to him haha! Imagine that!) wow.
So I'm trying, and I hope I can keep this up for the rest of the year!
I'm also being better at doing my homework. Heh, I may not seem like it but I consistently don't do homework before it's due :/ ah well, that is going to change this year yes it will! But now now I'm actually doing my tutorials and studying if I don't understand chapters!! The A Level stress is really getting to me D:
Agh!
We had dance today :) I love the girlies manzzz!! Especially Bao Qin's funnyness :D can't help giggling about her everytime she says something. WE ARE AWESOME "INDIANZ". Except that, well, most of us aren't Indian. HAH, that's what's so awesome about Indian Dance! ^^ heh heh.
BUT GUESS WHAT THEY DID TO OUR BELOVED RAINTREE!!
The raintree has always been somewhere people go when they need some peace and quiet to study, where couples rendezvous before lessons on Thursdays, and study together after school, and most importantly, WHERE INDIAN DANCE AND MALAY DANCE HAVE DANCE PRAC! (More often Indian Dance though, that's like our permanent spot)
Now we have to dance in stuffy DS1, and the hall. Which aren't that awful but still, I prefer the raintree! There are so many memories of bloodsweattears there :(
Chingay yesterday was a bloody waste of time luh! We just sat around most of the time :( but at least! We played Truth or Dare and found out lots of secrets about Lynn Mee, Crystal, Edward and Melvin!! The rest of us have such boring lives that we had no secrets to tell :p I think the most interesting was Crystal's story (and she was really enthusiastic to tell it!) followed by Melvin's story! Sigh, all these youngsters ah ...! I feel so damn old!! HAHA. But other than the company there was not much positive about yesterday's prac >:( Gee. I got home at 11:30 AND GUESS WHAT!! I REALISED LAST MINUTE THAT I HAD A CHEM TEST THE NEXT DAY (TODAY). RAH I was so exhausted that I just read through the notes once and went to sleep. Gosh, so not used to it after a year of Council-less-ness. :/
Anyway, I probably failed it, for the record.
:( | | |
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